


Fake Fake-pockets

by spookalien



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Pants, fake pockets, i hate fake pockets, if the inventor of fake pockets is reading this i challange you to a fistfight, meet me in the pit fuckboy, seriously fuck fake pockets what is the fucking point, trousers, who the fuck thought them up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 19:06:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11904258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookalien/pseuds/spookalien
Summary: The absolutely real story of my pants with fake fake-pockets and why such pockets even exist in our world of women's pantsWARNING: not made up. 100% truth.





	Fake Fake-pockets

**Author's Note:**

> this is a real story that i know because i know things.

It was a dark and stormy night and the rain fell heavy on the roof of The Trouser Factory. Mr. Pantelones sat behind his desk, facing away from the large glass windows of his office. Lightning flashed bright behind his back, illuminating most of the office. Someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," he said, and the visitor did.

It was one of his scientist, one of the many men working on figuring out the perfect pants for women. They have been working on it for decades now, and Mr. Pantelones knew they were close to discovering the secret.

"Sir," the scientist, Zubon, said, wiping rain from his brows. "Sir, we figured it out." 

Mr. Pantelones looked up from the Pants Magazine and leant back in his high-backed leather chair that was different from an armchair only in name and spinability.

"Go on," he said in his deep voice.

Zubon gulped and fumbled with the papers he hid under his white scientist coat. He placed them in front of Mr. Pantelones.

"It's pockets, sir," he said as Mr. Pantelones flipped the file open - and froze at the scientist's words.

"Pockets," he repeated with calmness reminding Zubon of the calmness that came before the thunderstorm now raging outside.

"Pockets, sir-"

"How DARE you?" Mr. Pantelones snapped in unision with the lightning cracking through the sky. It illuminated Zubon's terrified face, but left the boss completely in the dark. It was nature's symbolism, in a way. It was the room's design, in another.

"No way we are allowing pockets," Mr Pantelones said again.

"But, Sir, we already made them-"

"Get rid of them."

"Sir, we can't, all our resources went into creating-"

"No pants with pockets shall leave _my_ factory. No," he practically thundered, slamming the file down. "Get rid of them. No woman wants pockets. Now get out from my sight."

Zubon snatched the file with a trembling hand and left in a hurry. They could cut them out, of course but...

No, he decided with sudden determination. Mr. Pantelones has been running this business for too long. His ideals are outdated and he wants to create perfection without change. That won't do.

_**No.** _

Zubon won't let that happen. He won't allow any more pocketless pants - and if he has to die for them, he will.

A plan started to form in his mind as he hurried back to his fellow scientists, holding his white coat above his head.

**Author's Note:**

> since im sure you are just dying to know how this came to mind:  
> i was searching for some real sexy and showy pants that showed off my hyper-sexy ankles so i could distract all male employees at the bank-robbery i had planned  
> i find some pants of the desired length.  
> I put them on and i see that there are pocket slits. in my head im already going "YAAAAAAAS" but then as i reach down i realize that... they are fake. i consider burning the pants in hell even though I haven't even bought them.  
> anyway, i notice that there is some weird loose fabric inside the pants and i relaize that they are, in fact, pockets.  
> But the pocket holes are sewn up...  
> I go ahead to tear open the pockets and find ACTUALLY DECENT SIZED POCKETS that are FUNCTIONING and REAL. POCKETS. THAT I CAN PUT MY PHONE INTO.  
> as i am standing there, thinking about the fact that I just tore pockets into pants that i do not yet own, I start thinking about the backstory of the fake-fake pockets


End file.
